Hope at the End of the Rope

 I’ve been thinking about my mother a lot lately as her health declines. Growing up, Mom was my teacher, counselor, cheerleader, protector…sometimes antagonist. Later on, she also became my best friend and confidant. Every single moment of my life she has been the one person on this earth who has loved me the most. Even in those moments when our relationship was strained, she wouldn’t hesitate to drop everything to love and support me anyway she could when I was in need or facing a challenge I couldn’t conquer alone. Sometimes she waited for me to call for her help and sometimes she didn’t. She would just show up and be there with me. I could always count on Mom to be there when I needed her. Of that there was no doubt. Sometimes it took longer than I wanted for her to get to me, but she always showed up.

I’ve known for a while how fortunate I am to have a mom like her but I didn’t truly understand how precious our relationship was until recently. My mom has Alzheimer’s and over the last six months, I’ve watched the mom I know disappear slowly into a fog that isn’t going to dissipate. So now I find myself grieving the loss of the mother I’ve known all my life while I care for the woman who remains. Sometimes it feels like I’m at the end of my rope suspended over a bottomless pit and I’m about to lose my grip and believe or not, that gives me hope because I know if I just let go, God’s hand will be there to catch me and set me back on solid ground. What I realized in my reflection is that while Mom was just being Mom all these years, she was also showing me a glimpse of how much my heavenly Father loves me. She is my mother but he is my Creator. He is the ultimate teacher, counselor, cheerleader, protector, friend and confidant. He knows and loves me completely even when I’m defiant or apathetic or blinded to his presence in my life. He sacrificed too much to abandon me now. God is faithful whether or not I feel his presence, God is here holding me up, strengthening and guiding me. Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1) That’s what makes faith so hard and so worth it.