The Hope in Our Daily Struggle

My Daily Struggle
I want to want You most, Lord,
but rarely ever do.
I want to be obsessed
with only thoughts of You
and of Your kingdom.
I want to be consumed with
an unquenchable desire
to sit and listen at Your feet.
Not with the things of this world:
the shiny gold trinkets and tech devices.
I want to want to binge
on You and Your grace alone
instead of the latest tv shows
or the chocolate that stuffs my face.
I want to wake singing Your praises,
seeking Your presence in prayer.
But each morning finds me distracted
and my heart falls farther away
into my own comfort
and the planning of my day.
I want to be unsatisfied until I feast upon Your Word.
But time slips away and I’m out the door
while a little more dust covers my bible
and the treasures that it stores.
I want to want the spiritual fervor
that others think they see in me.
I want to be moved beyond compassion
to live and love in holy empathy.
I want to be driven every minute
by Your Spirit who resides in me,
whom my laziness has taught me to ignore.
I don’t want to want what I wanting
rather it’s You I want to most adore.

The problem with a daily struggle is the endless monotonous continuity of it all. It never goes away no matter how strong, motivated or victorious we may be in this moment, the struggle still remains undaunted waiting for a single moment of weakness to exploit. Such is our struggle with sin. Paul gives us a glimpse into his own struggle when he says, “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” (Rom 7:15) This esteemed example of Christianity struggled with sin every minute of every day just like us and maybe more importantly, like us, sometimes he failed. Too often we imagine that the historical saints of our faith figured it all out and, in the end, led perfect sinless lives, but they didn’t. They were people just like us who needed Jesus just as much in the end of their lives as they did in the beginning. Paul’s example and constant assertion that Jesus has the final victory in our struggle with sin, whether or not we succeed in the struggle today, gives us hope.