The Friendly Stranger

 Last week I visited my mother who has Alzheimer’s and it was the first time she didn’t recognize me. Fortunately, I knew what to do because my mother taught me years ago in the stories that she told of her mother who had dementia and my father’s mother who had Alzheimer’s. She taught me that if they don’t remember you as the important person that you are to them, then it’s okay to be the friendly stranger they just met. It doesn’t matter if they remember all the life you shared with them because you remember for the both of you. The goal is to enjoy the now with them as they are able instead of fretting over what’s been lost or worrying about what the future holds. 

There I was being the friendly stranger watching TV with her occasionally making a remark about what we were watching. And on some level, as we chatted and I helped her situate her wheelchair, I feel like even if she didn’t know me, us just being there together chatting and me helping her felt vaguely familiar to her. When I hugged her as I left, she said goodbye to me in the way she always said it to me. Maybe there was a spark of recognition that broke through the veil of her condition somewhere in that hug.

As I thought about the visit later, I realized that in the same way that her condition limits her ability to know me or to care for herself, my human condition limits my ability to truly know God and, even if I think I can, I really can’t live apart from his grace and providence. I wonder if what I perceive now as knowing God is really just the spiritual version of a very important loved one presenting himself in a manner that my condition can accept. Someday, that veil will be lifted and there will be nothing hindering my understanding of or experiencing the joy of being God’s Presence. I think I’m going to find that it will be more intimate, amazing, and overwhelming than I could imagine or comprehend in my current condition. Still there will probably be something that feels vaguely familiar about it too. For now, I’m just going to enjoy spending time with God as I am able.