Last Sunday as I preparing to “preach”
the message that the Holy Spirit shared with me at the New Wilmington Mission
Conference, a rather mind-blowing, life altering realization came to me. Anyone
who knows me knows that getting up in front of a large group of people is way
out of my comfort zone. Over the years, God has given me some truly amazing
revelations to share with you in my writing, but taking those revelations from
the paper, through my introvert brain and out my mouth is a difficult task indeed.
If I was going to present this message in
a somewhat intelligible manner, I was going to have to keep the anxiety and
self-doubt at bay which unfortunately is like trying to hold the ocean back
with a spoon. As I was going through my morning routine of getting ready and
out the door, God and I had a frank conversation about this. Then came a moment
when I was able to perfectly articulate exactly why I was feeling so anxious—God
had given me beautiful words and I so desperately wanted them to be beautiful
when they came out of my mouth and I just didn’t see that being possible. God’s
reply—these words can only be beautiful when you speak them because I gave them
to you in your own voice. (Like I said….mind-blowing!!!!)
Instantly, the anxiety and self-doubt
evaporated and God’s peace and confidence filled my being. I arrived at the
church a half hour early and was so calm and collected that a friend who knows
me well was puzzled at my very obvious lack of anxiety and insecurity. The
morning went well and the Holy Spirit did indeed share beautiful words of hope
and discipleship with those in attendance.
The peace and confidence God filled me
with continued throughout the day. Instead of anguishing over whether or not I
did a good enough job or analyzing every moment of the morning to find the
faults or thinking of things I should have said, I left it all behind at the
Sanctuary door and enjoyed the rest of my day. I even forgot about it by
evening. (That’s never happened!)
On Monday I received the following bible
verse in my email:
I always thank my God for you and for the
gracious gifts he has given you, now that you belong to Christ Jesus. Through
him, God has enriched your church in every way—with all of your eloquent words
and all of your knowledge. 1 Corinthians
1:4-5 (NLT)
I smiled and thanked God for the
affirmation.
On Tuesday, I had some devotion time in
the morning. I had just started reading 1 Corinthians and opened my bible to
pick up where I left off—with chapter 2.
1 When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with
eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. 2 For I resolved to know nothing while I
was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 3 I came to you in weakness and fear,
and with much trembling. 4 My
message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a
demonstration of the Spirit's power, 5 so
that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power. 1 Corinthians 2:1-16 (NIV)
I read the first five verses and realized
why I didn’t need to worry about whether or not my words made a difference two
days earlier because it was never my words or my delivery that were going to
touch the hearts of those in attendance but God’s power, and he never fails.
I love how Peterson says it in The Message: 3-5 I was unsure of
how to go about this, and felt totally inadequate—I was scared to death, if you
want the truth of it—and so nothing I said could have impressed you or anyone
else. But the Message came through anyway. God’s Spirit and God’s power did it,
which made it clear that your life of faith is a response to God’s power, not
to some fancy mental or emotional footwork by me or anyone else.
When I got to work that morning, I found a gift left for me
in the door from a friend who “saw it and thought of me.” It’s a colorful little
word portrait that says:
God’s Promises
He will make you a Blessing!
He will LOVE YOU forever!
He will TAKE CARE of you!
He will Never Leave you!
Did my
friend give this to me because this is what I needed to hear and know in my
heart? After all, this is the very thing my friend ends us having to remind me
of often. Or is it that this is the message God brings to those around me
through the example of my life and faith. God has made me a blessing to family,
friends, neighbors, coworkers and the occasional stranger. I have no doubt that
God’s love expressed in Jesus’ sacrifice and in the presence of his Holy Spirit
in my heart and my life are all the proof I need of his never ending love for
me. When my whole life is turned upside down or just thrown a little off
kilter, my confidence in the fact that God will take care of me is the rock I
stand on and the peace in my heart that sees me through all the uncertainty.
Through it all my experience is that God has never nor will he ever leave me.
Even when I leave him, in my disobedience and pride, I can’t turn around
without finding him right there with me.
Maybe
the one thing we are supposed to teach others about God is the one thing we
need to learn over and over again in our own lives. Maybe that’s the message
God wants to share through us in our own voice. Every failure, every fear,
every heartbreak is the start of a wonderful parable in which God shares with
me and those around me the wonderful mystery of his grace and power. I don’t
need to worry about what I will say or how I will say it because he is specifically
speaking through me and my life to share his incredible message of love and
redemption in a way that can only come from me. What an awesome thought!
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